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영작문첨삭

NIGHTMARE

작성자 : ser***   ·   2017-02-17

One night, I had a nightmare.
I was awaken by a horrifiying scream, and I was surprised
when I knew the cause of that noise.That somebody was my mom,
Looking straight at me.
I asked her why, and suddenly, her tear drifted from her eyes,
but something was straingy. I eyesight was foggy.
While she was cring, I went to my bathroom to brush my teeth.
Than I so a thing that can not be happened. My mom's tear,
my bad eyesight, that two thing happened because this.
The thing is, I can't move my right eyeball when I can move my left.
Then I shouted too.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARG!!!!"
I felt crazy, and my body felt numb, and then, I woke and find I was in
somewhere i never went to, but it was my house, and of course,
my eyes are fine, and my mom was not cring either.

답변

One night, I had a nightmare.
I was awakened by a horrifying scream, and I was surprised
when I found out the cause of that noise.That somebody was my mom looking straight at me.
I asked her why, and suddenly, her tear fell from her eyes,
but something was strange. My eyesight was foggy.
While she was crying, I went to my bathroom to brush my teeth.
Then I saw a thing that cannot happen. My mom's tear,
my bad eyesight, those two thing happened because this.
The thing is, I can't move my right eyeball when I move my left. 
Then I shouted too. 
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARG!!!!"
I felt crazy, and my body felt numb, and then, I woke and find I was in 
somewhere i never went to, but it was my house, and of course,
my eyes are fine, and my mom was not crying either.

Good story, Michalle! Keep it up. Be careful with the choices of words.

- Teacher Macy
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