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영작문첨삭

Hello Arang!

작성자 : shi***   ·   2014-12-15

Today, I want to write about dogs. Dogs are usually friendly so we can keep being nice friends. However, because of it, sometimes, dogs become very sad.
When I went to my cousin's house, there was a dog, Arang. Arang was really trusty and really nice to me. We had nice vacation together. I gave him snacks, food and water. It was really nice. However, It had become the day I really hated. I had to go to home. I was not sure I could visit again. So I told him about it. He was really sad that he followed me through cars. I said stay! And Arang stayed and we drove away.
I hard that this winter vacation, I could meet Arang and my cousin again!!! I am glad I think I would not say that I will go back to home This time. For him. For Arang to be happy and wait for me another month.

답변

***********************************************************************CORRECTIONS*********************

Student : Dogs are usually friendly so we can keep being nice friends.
Correct : Dogs are usually friendly so we can keep being nice friends with them.

Explanation : I added 'with them here to make the sentence thought complete.

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Student : Arang was really trusty and really nice to me.
Correct : Arang was really
trusty and nice to me.

Explanation : The word 'really' is removed is removed because you already said it in the first statement thus, putting it there makes it redundant.

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Student : However, It had become the day I really hated.
Correct : However, the day that I really hated came.

Explanation : I just fixed your sentence construction in here for it to be understood better.

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Student : I was not sure I could visit again. So I told him about it.
Correct : I was not sure I could visit again so, I told him about it.

Explanation : I made your sentences into one because the second sentence supports the first one.

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Student : He was really sad that he followed me through cars.
Correct : He was really sad that he followed me through the car.

Explanation : The article 'the' is placed before a noun.

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Student : I hard that this winter vacation, I could meet Arang and my cousin again!!!
Correct : I heard that this winter vacation I could meet Arang and my cousin again!

Explanation : Please be careful with your spelling.

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Student :  I am glad I think I would not say that I will go back to home This time. For him. For Arang to be happy and wait for me another month.
Correct :  I am glad because I think I will not have to say to him that I will go back home this time so that Arang will be happy and will wait for me for another month.

Explanation : I made your 3 sentences into one because they support each other and the others doesn't have a complete thought thus making them a fragment not a sentence. We use 'will' for things that will happen in the future.

*************************************************************************COMMENT**********************

Hi Julie! I'm happy that you will get to see Arang again. I want to see him, too. Can you take a picture of him and show it to me during our class? I hope you can have your own pet, too because I know that you really wanted to have one. For your assignment, you did another wonderful job and continue doing a great job. I'll see you again tomorrow!

~Teacher Louise

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