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영작문첨삭
What shall we do in winter? > winter vacation is coming soon!!
작성자 : shi*** · 2014-12-10
We usually stay home in winter. I think most of people does because it is too cold. However, I think we can do any sports if we make ourself warm.
I usually play with my friends. By wearing warm cloths I make my self warmer. Then I play badminton, soccer, or tag. When It is snowing, We can't play badminton, soccer or tag. So we usually can play something indoors.
Indoor playing is not that good. But we can play a game, or read some books! Se cna do mini-tenis. We also can sled over school yard and have snowfights out door! I like to make a big snowman looking like 'the statue of liberty'. We make angels and draw a circle and play 'tracing game' and then we also make ice castle that is my favorite.
I hope we don't have trouble playing outside in winter.
답변
***********************************************************************CORRECTIONS*********************
Student : I think most of people does because it is too cold.
Correct : I think most of the people does that because it is too cold.
Explanation : The definite article "the" is used especially before a noun or nouns like people or things. "That" is needed here to avoid confusion and for it to have a complete thought because "that" in this sentence relates to 'what most people think of'.
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Student : By wearing warm cloths I make my self warmer.
Correct : By wearing warm clothes I can make my self feel warmer.
Explanation : Be careful with the spelling of clothes. "Can" is missing here so it should be added and I added 'feel' because it will be better understood that you wanted to feel warmer.
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Student : When It is snowing, We can't play badminton, soccer or tag.
Correct : When it is snowing, we can't play badminton, soccer or tag.
Explanation : Be careful with your capitalizations. We don't capitalize a letter after a comma.
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Student : So we usually can play something indoors.
Correct : So we can usually play something indoors.
Explanation : Be careful with your sentence structure.
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Student : Indoor playing is not that good. But we can play a game, or read some books!
Correct : Playing indoors is not that good but we can play a game, or read some books!
Explanation : Be careful with your sentence structure. I combined your sentence here because it supports the first sentence.
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Student : Se cna do mini-tenis.
Correct : We can do mini-tennis.
Explanation : Be careful with your spelling.
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Student : We also can sled over school yard and have snowfights out door!
Correct : We can also sled over the school yard and have snowfights outdoors!
Explanation : Be careful with your sentence structure. "Outdoors" is oneword.
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Student : I like to make a big snowman looking like 'the statue of liberty'.
Correct : I like to make a big snowman looking like 'The Statue of Liberty'.
Explanation : "The Statue of Liberty" here is a proper noun so it should be in capital letters.
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Student : We make angels and draw a circle and play 'tracing game' and then we also make ice castle that is my favorite.
Correct : We make angels and draw a circle and play 'tracing game' and then we also make ice castle, that is my favorite.
Explanation : I just added a comma here to separate the idea.
*************************************************************************COMMENT**********************
Hi Julie! I'm happy you did your homework. ☺ You did an amazing job again. You had grammar lapses but they are very minimal. Just continue doing a great job.
~Teacher Louise 