Andrew:About 3 years ago, I felt very upset. Because My grandmoter passed away at Nov.21st.
Correct: Three years ago, I was very upset because my grandmoter passed away. It was on the 21st of Nov. 
Explanation:The pronoun "it" is used to represent a concept or  idea understood or previously stated.
The preposition "on" is used when referring to the surface of something, days and dates, a device or a machine, part of the body, and state of something.

Andrew:So, every relatives was cry and sad. However we preyed her happiness from heaven.
Correct: All of us cried because of sadness. However, we prayed her happiness in heaven.
Explanation: The preposition "in" is used to indicate indicate inclusion, location or position within something.

Andrew:I'd like to have creative thinking like steve jobs.
Correct: I'd like to be a creative thinker like Steve Jobs.
Explanation: Nouns should be capitalized.

Andrew:So, I sometimes think about imagination to future world
Correct: I would like to imagine things especially about my future.

Andrew:  I'll need to change my daily life.
Correct: I guess I have to change my lifestyle.

Andrew: My friend is businessman. So, He need skill persuasive word.
Correct: My friend is a businessman so he should be persuasive in order for him to convince people.
Explanation: The indefinite article "a" refers to a particular or certain one of a class or group thing: a man; a chemical; a house.

Andrew: Therefore, He'll pay money more and more.
Correct: I guess he needs money too because of his job.

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Hello, Andrew! Thank you for submitting your homework. I appreciate the effort that you always give when it comes to your homework. Please take note of the corrections though. Anyway, I am certain that someday, you will achieve your desires. Keep up the good work, Andrew!

-Teacher Isabel