Hello, Olivia! Finally, here's your diary! Thank you for doing it. Here are the corrections...

    ***********CORRECTED DIARY OF OLIVIA PARK*************

In the evening, my dad came home from work. My father, my brother, and I went to the market. We bought a big ice cream. When my brother and I tasted the ice cream, it was so delicious.

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OLIVIA: At evening,my dad came hoome from work.
CORRECT: In the evening, my dad came home from work.

EXPLANATION:

a. When talking about a particular period like morning, afternoon, and evening, always use the preposition "in" followed by the article "the."

b. Be careful when typing, you might have some typographical error. <home>
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OLIVIA: Me,brother,and father went to the market.
CORRECT: My father, my brother, and I went to the market.

EXPLANATION:

a. When enumerating some people, always remember to put yourself last. 
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OLIVIA: When me and my brother tasted the ice cream,it was so delicious.
CORRECT: When my brother and I tasted the ice cream, it was so delicious.

EXPLANATION:

Again, when enumerating some people, always remember to put yourself last. 
   
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Well done, Olivia! You always impress me. Just 3 mistakes. I know you can do much better! Always remember to press the space bar every after a comma <,> or a period <.>!

Now, I'm craving! It seems like I really want to eat ice cream later! ^^

Love lots,

Teacher Ace^^