When I was young, I approached other people and said "Mom!"
I was so shy on that day. On another day, I went to the other place.

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1.
Alice: When I was young ~.I went to other people and said mom!
Correct: When I was young, I went to other people and said "Mom!"
Explanation:
*To state a direct speech, put the word/sentence in quotation marks.

2.
Alice: I was so shied about that day.
Correct: I was so shy on that day.
Explanation:
*Shy is an adjective (desribing word). You cannot add -ed in the end of the word because it is not a verb (action word).

3.
Alice: But one other day I went ot other place.
Correct: On another day, I went to the other place.
Explanation:
*Use the phrase "on another day" or "on the other day"
*Please be careful in typing some words because it may affect the meaning of the sentence.
*Add an article (a/an/the) before a noun.

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Hello, Alice! Thank you for submitting your homework. Please read the following corrections and explanations carefully. If you have questions and clarifications, you can ask me in our class. Thank you!